ég er john seven

To all those fearing militant Muslims, have no fear, Jesus has an army! And much like an African warlord, he enlists little children for it! Phew. We’re all safe. As explain on the back of the record in the song notes, “a chorus of over eighty voices on this record help translate to the child the military aspects of the Sacrament … don’t be surprised if you find the children marching around the room to this tune.”

That’s what missing from today’s spirituality - military style drilling!

This record hails from 1956. It has a number of endorsements on back, including one form Mrs. J. Kennedy of West Englewood, NJ, who says, “It’s about time I have a good record to let my children listen to.” She goes on to claim that they have played the Ten Commandments song until it is worn out. No word on whether she caught them marching in circles.

More to the point: “A Youth Musical by David T. Clydesdale” that is “Presented by Life Unlimited II” and “Featuring Patti Loewens.” All songs were co-written with something called “Singspiration,” which sounds painful. Get ready to the whitest gospel disco of 1978.

No, it’s not a gospel tribute to Maryland. I had to check my Bible references with this one - it’s a healing pool in the Gospel of John. My favorite thing about this song is how, half-way through, it starts to sound like St. James Infirmary. 

Words you never want to hear: “This record appears to be the soundtrack from a Canadian Christian TV show from the 1980s featuring puppets.” Specifically, 1984. And there seems to be no overt Christian messages on the album - the songs are mostly about being nice and understanding other people and working as a team and stuff like that. It is the work of Morningstar Ministries, though. 

If you google “Whimblies” it’s going to default to “Wumblies,” which is a good indication how far down the pop culture spectrum these folks are. Other than the website of the creators of this show, who now appear to be missionaries, though not to a land of puppets, I can’t find any evidence of what in the world this was.

I can’t find out any information on this album, not even the year it was released - though I’m guessing late ’60s or early ’70s - but this is a fine, fun, cool country gospel number recording in Hampton, VA. The Swordsmen’s phone number, on the back of the album, is 804-723-5231. Wonder if it’s still in service 40 years later … 

That’s right, there’s more to life than enjoying it. For instance, there’s working hard to “firm up weak diaphrams,” as it says on the back cover. I think they mean “diaphragm,” but who needs proper spelling when you have a global mission from God? This album is from 1967, but these clean-living world travelers spreading the word of God are still around, apparently, having moved 65,000 groovy Christian young people through their ranks.

On the back cover: “The Cameron Brothers have a flourishing church of their own in Peterhead, Scotland, and have two great International Holy Spirit Conventions in September and at the New Year. Why not join them and see how God is moving world-wide, bringing a wonderful love among God’s people - of every denomination!! (Special plane rates for attendance to conventions. Send for particulars.)”

If you look on the record label, you see the year 1967, but I’m unclear whether the Holy Spirit Convention is for September of that year, or of 1968. Also, plane rates - I assume this means airlines tickets? Man, religion is so complicated.

A jaunty number sung by children reminding you of all the sorts of people in all the sorts of situations that require Jesus to get by. 

From the look of it, Doug Oldham has more to be excited about than merely Jesus - a head full of hair, a belly full of dinner, and some very fancy duds, not to mention a full orchestra backing him up. Oh, sure, and Jesus. 1972 was a very good year for him. The liner notes on the back talk about a trip to England with his wife, Laura. They were enthralled by all the castles and palaces, but also reminded of the one, true king and how fleeting all these sights were in comparison. So, essentially, Jesus ruined their vacation. Thanks, Jesus.

I don’t believe the nun on the cover of this 1974 album from Peter Pan (trying its hardest to look most un-Peter Pan-like) is the actual singer on the album - the liner notes explain that the band’s interpretation of The Lord’s Prayer is a faithful cover of the rock version by nun Sister Janet Mead, and the rest of the songs on the album follow through with that aesthetic. They’re so much to love on this, but I am particularly fond of this track, which sounds like Mrs. Miller fronting the Monkees.

This church choir from Sackville, Nova Scotia, celebrates it 25th anniversary by proving that they’re not just some stodgy old church singers, but capable of churning out an infectious modern melody as they reach for the top of the charts. This stand out track from 1984 was not only sung by choir tenor Doug Grace, but written by him as well. It’s the only one on the album he penned and, as you can imagine, the rest of the album just doesn’t have the same pep. Plagiarizing a telephone ad jingle has its perks, but I guess they didn’t use the often repeated refrain “reach out and touch someone” to avoid undo attention on that aspect of the song.